So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Stuck it in his pooper.
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I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
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I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.