I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
