You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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