she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The uberlube is also flammable
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
