Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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