Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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