My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
one two three fourrrrnication!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
