I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
