I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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