so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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