Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
well you can't waste a boner
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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