So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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