Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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