Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
