I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
