Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
