So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
