1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
