we made out on top of his cat.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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