WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
