i can't believe i had my finger in that
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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