so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
