You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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