You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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