She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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