Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
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You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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