he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
