I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize