Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Is it penis luge time yet?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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