I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
