Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
