Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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