I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
