The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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