Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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