I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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