This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just threw up on my dentist
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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