you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
