you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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