I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize