k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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