he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
