Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
