fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
