No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
