he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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