She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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