You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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