Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
