youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
