You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
