I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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