I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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