Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
