Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize