john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
