I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
