After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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