why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
