i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
