when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
