Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
