Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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