"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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