When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
