I want to walk on stilts...naked
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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