there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
His nipple licking is glorious
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