I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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