how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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